Broken to beautiful

I've really been doing much better with the journaling and now I find it a part of my routine. I like being able to get my thoughts out and really look at them and analyze them.

Am I crazy for thinking this? Why did that bother me so much? I can go back and look at it and really think about it. Later. Much later when I'm not emotionally tied up in it and when I can think clearly.

I love it. And I've learned so much about myself. Like the fact that when I'm angry or upset, I tend to use big words that require a dictionary. I've especially learned that I care entirely too much about what other people think about me. I think it's part vanity and part wanting to feel like I belong and am accepted. It's a struggle every day. Because don't we all want to be wanted, needed and loved?

But I wrote something in my journal two weeks ago that now has become something for me to cling to on those days I feel unsuccessful, unwanted, and unloved (which I know is Satan but that doesn't make it any less hurtful).

I'll share with you what may not be profound or new but it is to me:

As long as I depend on other people for my happiness and my confidence, I will always feel disappointed and hurt.

So my prayer every day now is that I remember that the person that matters, my Heavenly Father, is sitting next to me each and every day, helping me to do my best and is proud of me - even in my most broken moments. Because at my most broken, He finds me most beautiful.