Being nice

I had a conversation with a friend today about one of her employees. The employee is a nice person and a good worker but makes mistakes on a regular basis. I asked my friend, why does she still work for you if her performance is below your expectations? She answered, I'm trying to be nice because of (fill in the blank). I said, realistically being nice to her won't help her if she can't improve.

I'm not trying to be mean. And I'm not giving away anyone because the "fill in the blank" part above could be anything. The person could be a friend of a friend; a relative; someone you feel indebted towards; or even someone you just feel the need to help.

And there is nothing wrong with providing encouragement and support. Trying to get someone on their feet and moving in the right direction is wonderful.

But is it helpful to continue to overlook poor performance or unhealthy behaviors because of that feeling you have? No, it's not helpful and not constructive either.

When you're just being nice and sparing constructive criticism for the sake of a relationship, it's not fair to either person. If you don't speak your mind, you become resentful because of the feelings you hold inside and don't feel you can express.

If you don't point out poor performance or unhealthy behaviors, then the other person may never know that they have room to grow.

Being nice is a great way to make friends. But being nice can keep relationships from evolving - at work or in your personal life.

I want to be nice but I want to be honest and I want to build better relationships with the people around me. And I hope I encourage the relationships that challenge me to be the person I am meant to be.