I am not one to dwell on my singleness. It's my reality for the moment and that's okay. Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm alone or lonely or fragile or not a complete person. And no one really makes me feel like that generally.
Except for one place. Church.
And before I go any further -- I know without a doubt that this is NOT intentional.
The fact of the matter is, churches just don't know what to do with singles.
Even the term "singles" suggests a separateness from others.
This past Sunday at my church, the pastor taught on marriage principles. I am aware enough at this point in my life to realize the principles that make marriage work well can be applied to other relationships too. Respect, service, honor, thankfulness - all attributes that translate whether you are single or married.
But (isn't there always a but?) no matter how much I learn from these sermons, I never feel more like a minority at church than when the focus is on marriage and family.
Props to my pastor though for touching on the fact that marriage isn't for everyone. While I don't like to hear it, I know that it is an accurate statement to say that marriage is a calling and not everyone is called to it. I see marriage in my future, it's just not my calling right now. Everything has a season you know?
Still, that is the only thing I hear about being a single Christian from the pulpit on any regular basis. If you're single, it's okay. Paul thought marriage was unnecessary. If you're single you can go on more mission trips and do more service acts. But in the very next breath, we voice the most praise for strong marriages, getting your kids to church and being involved in family ministries.
But where is the praise for the singles in the church that hold tight to their beliefs in a world that is bombarded with immorality and sin? Where is the support in living a Godly single life?
The struggles that couples have with money, communication and, dare I say it, sexual issues are just as much a problem among singles too.
I'm not sure what the answer is here. I'm hoping to just start a conversation. As more and more people forgo marriage for longer periods of time, we're not going to be a minority in the church much longer.
1 comment:
Awesome post Lori! I completely relate to everything you said. It's been really hard for me to find a church home where I feel like singles are celebrated and not marginalized. I realize it's not intentional, but it definitely makes it more difficult to find a true "home" in a church.
-Sarah Clark
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