Nice vs. kind

A couple of weeks ago, I was in Macon celebrating my birthday with D.'s family and also celebrating Ezra's upcoming third birthday. It was such a fun time and so much cake that I think we all may still be coming down from the sugar shock.

Isaiah and Ezra are sweet as can be (sometimes), active to the point of exhaustion (most of the time) and brotherly always.

Brotherly, in my mind, is described as a fierce love with even fiercer opinions of what the other should and should not do. Being brotherly can swing from caring for each other one minute (which yes, they do) to immediately grabbing for the same toy in the next.

{It's a little reminiscent of Cain and Abel. Always wanting what the other person has, even though what we have is just as wonderful. But it's not his. We will always be dissatisfied with our gifts when there are perceived better gifts in someone else's house.}

As with any five and three year old, there are squabbles. I try not to become involved in them if D. and Corrie are around. They're the parents, I'm not. I know my place.

But sometimes I'm the only adult in the vicinity and it's up to me to play peacemaker and prevent meltdowns.

During the course of that particular weekend, I found myself repeating, "Be nice, Isaiah. Be nice, Ezra." And after about the 30th time of saying it, I realized I don't want them to be nice.

Nice is defined in the dictionary as "amiably pleasant." And that's not a bad thing. I want the boys to be pleasant to each other. But as I thought about it, being nice is a social expectation. A norm. Something that is required. To be nice is to act the way you ought because it's perfunctory. I could be nice to you while under the surface, I'm seething with anger and resentment. Just being nice does not show what is truly in my heart.

It's not enough in today's society to just be nice if we want to develop real relationships.

How do I really want the boys to behave? How do I want to behave myself? I want the boys to be kind to each other.

Kind is defined as a good or benevolent behavior and disposition; indulgent, considerate and helpful. To be kind goes beyond nice. It goes beyond what is expected to what is valued. Being kind is performing acts and behavior out of love and grace, not out of obligation. To be kind is to practice forgiveness and understanding.

Moving forward, nice is no longer in my vocabulary. I will encourage Isaiah and Ezra to be kind to each other and consider each other first. I will encourage myself to find ways to be kind at work.

If all the world learned to just be kind, what a wonderful change that would be!